Coping
by CldyAlwys
Summary: Pony and Darry clash when Soda's sent to Vietnam. When things get tough will they man together or fall apart?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer. The Outsiders belongs to S.E Hinton, not to me and I make no profit by submitting this.

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_December 22_

"Pone."

I tried to form the words to tell him to go away, but the muscles in my jaw remained motionless.

"Pony."

I cracked an eye open just long enough to see Darry's large frame hovering over me. Doing my best to ignore him, I curled up into a tighter ball and shifted my body towards the inside of the chair. It couldn't be morning already. It felt like I had closed my eyes not ten minutes ago.

"Ponyboy," Darry sounded again, a little louder this time. "Up and at em', little man, you've got school."

Still, I pretended to ignore him, hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone. I knew there was slim chance of that happening, but that didn't entice me to get up any faster. Ever since Soda left for boot camp, almost two months ago now, I haven't been sleeping too well. The nightmares were only happening about once a week or so, but when they did occur, it was enough incentive to get me to crawl into the arm chair tucked in the corner of Darry's room. I would sit there with a flashlight and a book, blanket over my head and read for hours, either until the sun started to rise or until I drifted off again.

It wasn't the most comfortable chair in the world to sleep in, having bore the worst damage from three boys jumping on it and wearing it down. Most of the stuffing had been yanked out of it and there wasn't much cushion left, but it was inviting in it's own way. We'd had it since before I was born and it remained out in the living room until I was about ten, when my parents had finally decided to buy a newer chair that didn't look or feel so broken in. Since then it had retired to Darry's room and I remember spending many hours curled up in it watching him lift weights on the floor, until he grew tired of my endless questions and finally tossed me out the door. The chair had a familiar feel and smell to it, and I felt safe when I was in it, even now.

Darry didn't make a big deal out of me camping out in his room. The first time it happened I could tell that he was concerned, but he didn't ask too many questions. Boy, was I ever grateful for that. Being fifteen years old and feeling scared enough to spend the night in your big brother's room was embarrassing all on it's own, without being forced to talk about it. But it'd been a long time since I'd had a room all to myself and I think Darry understood that.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis," he barked, impatiently. "If you're not on your feet in two seconds your going to find yourself on the floor!"

He hadn't been understanding about much else, though. I opened my eyes and stretched, hoping that it was enough movement to prevent him from carrying out his threat. "Can't I have five more minutes?" I asked.

I thought I saw a look of sympathy cross over his face for a second, before his eyes turned indifferent. "That's up to you," he said, as he reached into his closet and pulled out a button up, plaid shirt. "But remember you have practice this morning."

I groaned loudly, wishing the coach didn't insist on being such a hard ass. It was the last day before Christmas break, coach decided it'd be a good idea to hold practice in the morning instead of that afternoon, with the threat that if we weren't there we'd better have a damn good excuse if we expected to remain on the team. He also had a few practices scheduled over the break, to make sure we didn't get too rusty. I for one, was having a real hard time keeping my attention focused on track, but Soda always asked about it in his letters, so I pressed on, trying to put my heart in it.

Reluctantly, I kicked the quilt onto the floor and hoisted myself up, taking the time to stretch out my back. I looked around for my book and the flashlight and spotted them under the chair. I stooped underneath to pick them up, hoping that I remembered to turn the flashlight off before I fell asleep. If I asked Darry to pick up another pack of batteries he was going to hit the roof.

Satisfied with my movement, Darry started to turn towards the door. "I'm leaving in twenty minutes, so get a move on, and make sure that blanket gets folded and put away."

I just nodded and watched him walk out, before making my way to my own room to put my track gear on. I didn't see the point in showering before practice, knowing I would just get sweaty all over again. I gathered up my books and some clean clothes, still barely half awake. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day feeling as tired as I did right now.

I walked into the kitchen to find Darry hunched over the stove. The smell of bacon filled the small room and my stomach growled in hunger. "Eggs are about done," he said, looking me over, carefully, "Want to set the table while you're waiting?"

I didn't, but it wasn't a request. Wordlessly, I pulled a couple of plates and a cup for myself out of the cupboard and set them on the table. I figured Darry already had a mug full of coffee sitting on the counter, next to him, so I didn't bother getting a cup out for him. I reached into the fridge and started pulling out various items for breakfast including the milk, Hershey syrup and the lettuce and tomato for Darry's egg sandwich. My eyes caught sight of the chocolate cake sitting on the middle shelf, but I left it where it was. If Soda couldn't enjoy a slice for breakfast then I wasn't going to either. Darry seemed to feel the same way about it, and Two-Bit was the only one who nibbled on it in the morning. But I still continued to bake up a new one when necessary, refusing to let the tradition die out completely.

I plopped into my seat, dreading the awful silence that always seemed to exist between the two of us. When Soda left he took the life of the house along with him and Darry and I were struggling to cope with what was left. I thought losing mom and dad was the worst thing that could happen to us, but when Soda got his draft notice I knew I was wrong. He was the glue that sandwiched the three of us together and without him, Darry and I were falling apart fast. Now we were forced to suffer through the Christmas season, when neither one of us were in the mood to celebrate.

Darry forked some eggs and a few pieces of bacon onto my plate, before sitting down across from me. I took a small bite of eggs and watched him put his sandwich together.

"Two-Bit agree to give you a ride home again tonight?" He asked, looking up at me.

I shook my head. "His car broke down last night, so we both had to foot it home. Don't worry, Dar," I said, watching his eyebrows furrow together. "I can get one of the guys at work to drop me off, I'll be alright."

I had gotten a job working at the stables, feeding horses, cleaning out stalls, and doing any other work that the owners were to lazy to do. Weekdays were my best bet for tips, considering not too many people had time to exercise their horses like they ought to. I was making a lot of extra money this week, since everyone had other things to do to get ready for Christmas. Unfortunately, Darry would only let me work three nights a week, not wanting my school work to suffer. He didn't care if I spent my whole Saturday there, though, so that's what I was planning to do tomorrow. I didn't see much point in sticking around here anyway, the house seemed so desolate that I could hardly stand it anymore.

He nodded, satisfied with my answer. "If you can't, give me a call," he said, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I'll see what I can do to come pick you up."

"I'm sure I can get a ride, Dar," I countered, wishing he wouldn't hover so much. "Even if I can't, a bus stops not too far away, I can manage."

"Alright, but if you're still not home by eight give me a call."

"I will," I agreed.

"I mean it, Pony, if I don't hear from you by eight sharp, I'm gonna call home and so help you if you're not here to answer the phone. You got me?"

"Yeah I got you," I nodded, not even bothering to hide the sarcasm from my voice. "Geez Dar, it's been near two weeks now since I cut classes. You think if I was going to skip out on my grounding, I'd have done it by now."

"Just remember you still have five more days to go before you're free, little man, and if you want my trust again you have to earn it."

Fed up, I stood up angrily,tossing my dishes, none to gently, into the sink. It was the first time I'd ever cut and he was acting like it was the end of the world.

"You better check that attitude, little brother," Darry warned, looking like he was ready to pop up and throttle me.

"Why do you always have to be down my throat?" I whirled around to ask, feeling picked on. "You didn't make this big of a fuss when Soda went and dropped out. I split for half a day, and you're treating it like I got arrested or something."

"Yeah, I let Soda drop out, and look where he is right now," Darry hollered, hopping up out of his seat, placing one hand on each side of me, forcing me to lean back to look at him. "That's not going to happen to you, you understand me? Not if I can help it."

"You can't stop me from getting drafted anymore than you could stop Soda. Even if he hadn't dropped out, it still would've happened sooner or later," I shot back, hoping it wasn't the dangerous thing to do.

It had to be said, though. I had no idea that Darry blamed himself for Soda's draft notice, but it wasn't fair on him. Soda had wanted to drop out, it was his decision.

Darry's eyes went soft for a moment. "Maybe so, but you're staying in school, and I don't want to hear about you skipping anymore. You can have a year of college completed before you're even eligible to be drafted, Ponyboy. You don't want to blow that chance."

"Alright, Dar," I nodded, "It ain't going to happen again, I already told you it wouldn't, I wish you'd believe me."

He finally stood up, releasing me from my cage. "I'm trying to, kid, but you flat out lied to me and it's gonna take a while for me to trust you again."

I just nodded, turning around to start doing the dishes. Our relationship was so messed up right now, it almost seemed like I had lost both my brothers instead of just one. At least I could still talk to Soda through letters. Every time I tried to have a conversation with Darry, we just butted heads.

"Dishes are going to have to wait," Darry plopped his plate into the sink. "Just soak them. You can scrub em' up when you get home."

"Yeah, alright," I said, following his directions.

Moments later, after being reminded to grab my jacket, we were both out the door, heading towards school. I silently wished that I'd waited until today to skip. I was so tired, I knew I was going to be miserable.


	2. Christmas Blues

_Thanks for the great reviews, I wasn't expecting much. I've had most of this pre-written for a while, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to load it up on this site, since there are already so many great Vietnam fics. I don't want to bore anybody. Thanks again for the reviews, I'll be responding to them personally, here in a minute. Hope y'all enjoy this chapter._

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I ran up the front walk, pausing only to pull a stack of envelopes out of the mail box. The sound of the phone ringing caught my attention and I sprinted up the steps and through the front door as fast as possible, the sound of change rattling away in my pockets as I ran. It couldn't be eight o'clock yet, it just couldn't. I had stayed at the stables later than I was supposed to, agreeing to bed down one of the horses for a more than reasonable tip. Unfortunately, by the time I had completed that task, the guy I was going to get a ride with had already split and I was forced to take the bus.

"Hello," I spoke into the receiver, glancing up at the clock at the wall in the process. Eight o'clock on the dot, I was safe.

"Did you have any trouble getting home?" Darry asked from his end.

"Not really," I answered, trying to hide how out of breath I was. "I had to take the bus, but no biggy." I flipped through the mail as I spoke, scanning for one of Soda's letters. When I found it, I ripped it open, letting the rest of the mail fall into a messy pile on the floor.

"Good," he sounded relieved that I had made it home on time. "Get dinner going, and do up the dishes, I should be home in a few hours."

"Alright, Dar," I answered, growing more and more impatient. I could figure all that on my own, without the phone call.

"Remember you're still grounded, it being Friday night doesn't change that. If Two-Bit stops by he can stay with you, but no one else, you hear me?"

I rolled my eyes, wishing that I was as deaf as he thought as I was. "Yeah, Darry, I hear ya."

I said goodbye and hung up the phone, plopping down on the coach to read the letter that Soda had written me. I unfolded it to find a couple of bills tucked away inside it. That was funny, he normally only sent Darry money. I shrugged and placed the cash aside before turning my attention back to the letter.

_Ponyboy,_

_Well, look at you big shot, wining first place in all your events. I bet Darry's beeming with pride, huh? I got your ribbon stashed away in my locker. I've been showing it to all the boys, so they can say they've heard of you when you wind up at the Olimpics. Don't sweat about school any, you're going to do just fine on them tests, you always do. Man, I sure wish I could be home for Christmas, I hope y'all got a good tree. I miss you guys an awful lot, this place is getting real old, fast. I spotted Steve the other day when our platoons passed each other on a run. He looks real good, consedaring where were at. You and Darry still getting along all right? I sent you some money for his Christmas present and for his birthday too. I hate not being able to be home for it. Look, I know you don't want to hear this but I gradiate here real soon, and I got orders shiping out on the 2nd to Nam. But don't worry about me, kid, I'm going to be ok and you will be too. I'll keep writing as often as I can. Take care of yourself, and take care of Darry too, you need to watch out for each other while I'm gone. _

_Sodapop Curtis_

I don't know how long I sat there, reading the letter over and over again, studying everything from the misspelled words to the sentence where he announced he was leaving the country right after the holidays were over. I couldn't even fathom him being in Vietnam. I had been lying to myself the last couple of months, telling myself that he'd be lucky enough to get stationed somewhere stateside. Now that my last hope was shattered, I felt the reality of the situation hit me head on. Soda was going to Nam', my brother was going to go get shot at, he was going to go shoot at other people. It wasn't fair, my brother wasn't a killer.

I crumpled the letter up into a ball and tossed it across the room, feeling hot tears start to slide down my cheeks. I wiped them away, the craving for a cigarette hitting me hard. I hadn't smoked in over six months, but that didn't make me yearn for one any less at that moment. Instead I stood up and headed out the front door. I had no intention of leaving the yard, it just kind of happened, first at a fast walk, then a good paced run. Before I knew it, I was sprinting down the sidewalk, heading towards no where in particular. I needed time to think some things through and recompose myself. I was sick and tired of our family always being dumped on. In three days Darry and I would be trying to celebrate Christmas for the second time without our parents and I didn't know how we were going to manage without Soda there too. I frowned, thinking about the day Darry brought the tree home. I had been upset, finding it unfair to celebrate while Soda couldn't. That's where my eldest brother and I differed. He was still determined as ever to push forward, as optimistic as possible, while I wanted to stay firmly planted in the past, where nothing changed and everyone I loved was still around. Darry lived in the real world and I lived in the ideal world I had created inside my head.

I continued to think about that as I ran. I didn't stop until I reached the grocery store, a good ten blocks later, where exhaustion finally got the better of me. I leaned up against the brick wall, bent in half, trying to catch my breath.

"What do you think you're doing, grease?" I heard a low snarl sound from above me. Startled, I looked up only to find Two-Bit standing over me, trying his best to keep a straight face.

"Man, Two-Bit, what the hell is wrong with you?" I huffed, shoving him out of the way so I could start walking back towards home. Of course, he started walking along with me, not that I expected much else.

"You should've seen your face, kid," he grinned from ear to ear, proud as hell of his joke. "Ain't you heard? Them socials are too good to pick fights with us anymore."

I just shook my head with irritation. It was true that the rivalry between greasers and socs had started to die down, but that fact still didn't bring my guard down any.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Two-Bit asked. "I thought Darry still had you on lock down."

"I just went out for a quick run, Darry ain't gonna know the difference anyway, he won't be home till' almost midnight," I explained, keeping my eyes straight ahead. I didn't want Two-Bit to know that something was bugging me. "Where were you heading?" I asked, hoping to divert his attention onto another subject.

He just shrugged. "I was planning on heading over to The Ribbon, see what kind of action I can hunt up, I just stopped by to pick up some necessary provisions first," He smiled wryly, opening up his jacket to reveal the outline of a bottle stashed away in the inside pocket.

I grinned and shook my head. Good ole' Two-Bit, at least I could count on him not to change any.

"Sounds good," I said, "Too bad I can't head over there with you, I'm starting to get cabin fever, being cooped up in that house all the damned time."

"Don't sweat it kid, you'll be free soon," Two-Bit said, cheerfully, giving me a good natured swipe on the shoulder. "Maybe I'll come check up on you later, keep you company for a while."

I nodded, knowing chances of that happening were probably real slim. "Sounds good, we don't have any beer though, so don't waste all your provisions."

He nodded and started to break away from me and head across the street. "Catch ya later," he hollered after me, before turning around and disappearing out of sight.

I moped my way back to the house, still wishing I had that cigarette I craved so much. Taking up smoking now would just be pointless, though. It'd only hurt my track records, and with regionals coming up soon, I couldn't afford that.

After what seemed like forever, I finally made it back home and was about to head inside when the tree in the corner caught my eye. It still hurt to think about celebrating this Christmas and the last thing I wanted to do was put a tree up, but I knew Soda would want to know that we had decorated the house, even if he couldn't be there. I continued to stare at the tree for a minute before letting out an exasperated sigh.

I opened up the front door and started to drag the tree inside, by it's stand, a few inches at a time. It was a lot heavier than Darry had made it look and I had to take a couple of breaks before successfully parking it into the right hand corner, where it always went. A few minutes later I found myself in the cellar, digging up all our old Christmas decorations. I worked, diligently, for hours, untangling lights, replacing bulbs and sorting through ornaments, placing aside the ones that looked too broken and pitiful to make it up on the tree this year. Every so often, my eyes would catch sight of the crumpled up ball of paper in the corner of the room, but I left it where it was, treating it as if it were poison.

It was well after eleven by the time I started to gather up all the empty boxes and tote them back down to the cellar. I then went back up stairs and sat down on the couch to look over the decorated tree, realizing that my Christmas spirit was non existent this year. I thought maybe putting the tree up would make me feel better, but it seemed to do the exact opposite. Fed up and exhausted by my own thoughts, I retreated to my room, hoping I could coax myself into sleep. After today I should've been too exhausted to make it to bed, but instead I felt wide awake. I tossed and turned for a while, before finally shoving the blankets off of me.

I got up and started hunting through my room for a good book to read, hoping that I could concentrate on that long enough to lull me to sleep. I had always had problems getting myself to sleep, what with my physical energy and my mental thoughts, it would often take hours for both my mind and body to shut down long enough for me to drift off. Soda had always known when I was too wired to fall asleep, even before he started sleeping in here with me. He'd come in and sit down with me and gently rub my back until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Now I had to count on my books to do that service for me.

I had just laid back down in bed, when I heard the front door open and close. I shrugged it off, figuring Darry had finally gotten off work. You'd think with it being so close to Christmas, the company would give their employees a break, but that wasn't the case. He had the twenty fourth and the twenty fifth off, but after that, it was right back to work.

A few minutes later, my bedroom door squeaked open. Without looking up from my book, I said, "Hey Dar, how was work?"

"It was nothing special, that's for sure," he answered, as he walked into the room and plopped down in my desk chair. "Thanks for putting up the tree, little buddy, I know you didn't want to do it."

I just shrugged, rolling over onto my side to look at him. "It's not like I had anything better to do. I'm about to go out of my mind from boredom."

He shot me an unsympathetic look. "You should've thought about that before you decided to skip school, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah, did you get your letter from Soda?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Yeah," he said, shooting me a glare. "I found it on the floor with the rest of the mail."

Oops, I thought, carefully avoiding Darry's eyes. I expected him to go into lecture mode, and was caught off guard by his next words.

"He tell you he's shipping out?"

I nodded slowly, my stomach turning at the thought. I could feel Darry's eyes studying me, but I refused to look up at him.

"You alright, Pone?" He asked after a minute.

I wasn't, but I couldn't say that to Darry. "I'm fine," I answered, hoping he couldn't detect the falseness in my voice. "We both knew Soda was going to Nam' sooner or later and he's already been out of the house for two months, why would I be upset about it now?" I asked, hearing my voice start to crack as the tears welled up in my eyes, for the second time that night.

President Johnson kept saying that as a country we should expect to see 'the light at the end of the tunnel' real soon, but _my_ tunnel had just gone pitch black. He had just snatched my brother from me and now had the nerve to tell me how to feel? I didn't recall reading about any of his loved ones being drafted into hell fire.

Darry stood up from the chair. "Scoot over," he ordered, plopping down on his back, beside me. He flung an arm over my head. "He's gonna be alright, Pony, you gotta believe that he will."

"I do, Dar," I answered, softly. How could I think otherwise? My brother had to be alright, he had to come back to us, I didn't know how I'd move on if he didn't. "I just wish he could come back now."

"You and me both," he said, ruffling my hair. We both lay there in silence for a while, lost in our own thoughts. Darry couldn't take the place of Soda, but with another person in the bed I was finally able to relax. My eyelids grew heavy and I was starting to drift off when Darry finally spoke.

"Man, Pony do you stink. You smell like horse manure and body odor, didn't you take a shower when you came home from work?"

I shook my head, sleepily, rolling over onto my stomach as Darry sat up. "It kind of slipped my mind."

"Well, I'd go take one right now, if I were you, or your bed sheets are going to smell like that forever."

I nodded and reluctantly sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "You sure you weren't just smelling yourself?" I challenged, standing to my feet before he could retaliate.

He made a swipe for me, but I was already off the bed and halfway out the door, feeling momentarily better than I had most of the day.

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	3. Sunday Drive

_December 24 _

"_Pony, wake up, we're running out of time."_

I bolted straight up in bed, frantically searching the dark room for my brother's lean figure.

"Soda?"

The room was empty and I sunk back into the bed with a frustrated sigh, wishing for once that my imagination wasn't so vivid.

I glanced over at the clock as Soda's voice still echoed through my mind. It was barely five.

I had been awake most the night, tossing and turning, willing my mind to shut down. I couldn't stop thinking about Soda spending Christmas without his family, counting down the days until he was going to be shot at. Sleeping problems had always plagued me, but not like this. The last two nights I'd hardly gotten any shut eye at all.

Then I remembered it was Sunday. He always woke me up early on Sundays, ever since the day after I turned fifteen. My stomach wrenched tight as the memories flooded in.

"_Where are we going?" I grumble, rubbing sleep from my eyes._

"_You'll see." Soda pulls me up to a sitting position, grinning ear to ear, like a little kid who's bursting to let out a big secret. "Hurry Pone, get dressed before we run out of time."_

"_Out of time to do what?" _

"_You'll see." _

_Before I know it I'm half through the front door with my brother bouncing up and down around me, _

_shoving a pair of sneakers into my hand. _

_I stumble into the passenger side of Darry's truck, groggily peering out the window as the sun starts to climb over the horizon. _

_The truck pulls away from the curb as I throw one shoe on and then the other, resisting the urge to pester him again about where we're heading. _

_Three blocks later Soda pulls the truck over and puts it in park. Aggravation starts to grow in me at being kept in the dark and I open my mouth to let my frustrations known, but Soda silences me with a crazy grin. He hops out of the truck and opens up my door._

"_Scoot over."_

_I stare at him bewildered. "Why?"_

"_Why do you think?"_

_At first I'm confused, then it dawns on me. "You want me to drive?"_

"_You got it," he confirms, his eyes dancing from excitement, as he shoves me over and climbs in beside me. He's acting like it's his birthday instead of mine and I don't want to damper his mood but I hesitate anyway._

"_What's the matter?" He asks, sensing my reluctance. _

"_Nothing, I just ain't itching to be grounded til' I'm eighteen."_

_Soda's soft laughter fills the cab of the truck as he pats my arm, reassuringly. "Relax, Darry ain't gonna find out, and even if he did, he'd have to ground me too, it is my idea."_

"_Easy for you to say, you'll be eighteen in a couple of months," I huff, "I've still got three years."_

_But I put the truck in gear anyway, pulling it away from the curb with ease. _

I couldn't help but grin as I thought back to that day. Soda didn't teach me to drive, he had just reintroduced that pleasure into my life. A pleasure that I hadn't experienced since our parents had been killed.

My dad had been adamant about us learning how to drive at an early age. It was another rite of passage to him, one that he took seriously. We learned to bait a hook at four, aim and shoot at eight, and drive at twelve. Mom had never been too tickled by the idea of her 'babies' behind the wheel of a car, but she allowed it anyway.

Since they died Darry refused to let me drive at all. If the state got news that I'd been pulled over without a license we'd be separated. My brother's rule was justified, which made it that much harder to break, but once I had I couldn't go back.

Sunday driving 'practice' with Soda became a ritual and if Darry knew anything about it he never let on. We'd always top off the tank on the way home, so there would be nothing for him to act suspicious about.

The urge to be behind the wheel once again hit me strong and I glanced over at the clock again. Darry wouldn't be up for a while yet. Sundays were the only day of the week for him to sleep in and it was a rarity to see him up before seven. I pushed the covers off of me and swung my legs onto the floor.

A drive around the block wouldn't hurt anything and it'd give me time to think things over, besides I knew Soda would approve. He had said so on our final Sunday together.

"_This is it," I huffed, reluctantly bringing the truck to a stop. "Our last ride."We had stayed out later than usual and Darry would be up before we got back home this time. I knew he'd just think we were spending some time together, considering Soda's bus to basic left the next day. _

_Soda scooted over in the seat and I reached for the driver's door so we could switch places, but he put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. _

"_It's not our last ride," he whispered._

_I nodded and stared at the floor blinking back tears that were determined to fall. _

"_I know that," I insisted, once I trusted myself to speak. "I just wish we didn't have to wait so long for the next one."_

"_Then don't."_

_I looked up at him this time, perplexed. "What do you mean don't?" _

"_I mean take the truck out every once and a while, just be back before Darry gets up and make sure you think of me when you're doing it."_

_I nodded, wordlessly, doubting I would ever do such a thing, not without him. _

Now it didn't seem like such a bad idea. It wouldn't be the same without Soda, but at least I'd get the chance to get out and think for awhile.

I dressed hurriedly and headed out into the hallway, stopping to sneak a quick peek at Darry snoring soundly. After making my way out of the bathroom, I found his keys on the kitchen counter and tiptoed out the front door.

I thought for sure that I was going to get busted getting the truck started up. The loud rumble of the engine broke the silence of early morning and I thought the whole neighborhood would come out to see what the commotion was. After shooting one last glance at the front door to make sure Darry wasn't on his way out to stop me, I drove off.

I had honestly intended just to take it around the block a few times, but my subconscious took over and before I knew it I was only twenty minutes away from the lake. The chances of making it all the way out there and back before Darry woke up were slim, but I didn't care. I'd risk being grounded for another week or two just for the chance to stare at the blue water, if only for a minute or two.

I parked the truck on the side of the road and started down the trail that would take me down to the water. With each step I was transported back into my childhood. Dad's soft laughter echoed comfortingly through the trees, and I felt the urge to join in along with him.

Every summer, for as long as I could remember, we'd come out to this lake to camp and fish. I had learned how to bait my own line and gut my own fish here. Cutting open fish had no appeal to me and I'd barely get through the first one before running off with Soda to leave Dad and Darry with the rest.

I found a dry patch of dirt on top of the cliff that I'd often jumped off of in the past, thinking back to our last trip out here. It was the summer I turned thirteen. Dad had taken a Friday off and we spent three days up here, just us guys, fishing, hiking and swimming.

It had been a blast, up until that Sunday when we were getting ready to drive back. All our gear was packed away and ready to go. Soda had begged dad for one last swim and he had finally relented. Dad never had a problem saying no to my brother, but sometimes it was just easier to give in. Pick your battles is the way he had put it.

I made to jump off this very cliff, when Soda leaped on top of me and we both tumbled gracelessly into the water below. At the angle we fell, my right shoulder was the first to make impact into the blue water. Instead of gliding through like butter, it was like I had hit a cement block. I made my way to shore, clutching my arm with my other hand.

Dad took one look at it, put in a makeshift sling and drove over to the closest ER where doctors determined that my shoulder had been fractured. I spent three long weeks with my arm in a sling that summer, but I wouldn't take it back for the world, especially now with Dad gone and Soda miles away.

I continued to stare out at the lake, taking in the scenery, looking back at other memories that I wish I could relive right then. Time passed quickly and before I knew it, it was already pushing six thirty, and I still had a long drive back. . I jumped up, brushed myself off and sprinted down the path that would lead me towards the truck, hoping that Darry had decided to sleep in late this morning.

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Thanks for reading :)


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